I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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