She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
