sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Help. Why am I so naked?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
