wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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