Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
