No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
