Porn is love you can see.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
