Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
