Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
