did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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