last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
