Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
