obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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