THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
