i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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