OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
