I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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