my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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