I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
