I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
