no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
