I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Randomize
