i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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