your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
