You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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