they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
