She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
