At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
