I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
