best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
