lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
