Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
