Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
