Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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