Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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