it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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