Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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