ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
