Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
