I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
