I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
