I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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