OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
