college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I love having hate sex.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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