So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
