God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
