if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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