Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
