I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
