What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
