You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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