he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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