I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
