Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
